Confessions
by AlyB123
Summary: Liz confronts Ressler after he shows up in the woods in 4.20 despite his suspension. Ressler finally confesses his true feelings to Liz and her own reaction surprises her. Written for aomine-dajki on Tumblr who requested a Keenler story where Ressler confesses his feelings to Liz in the current canon universe.


Liz's boots crunched on the ground as she made her way over to Ressler who was talking with one of the SWAT team commanders. She'd been relieved to see him when he'd first come bursting through the woods with Samar but that relief had been short-lived once she realized the potential ramifications of his presence. The scene had stabilized following Kaplan and Reddington's departures and it was time for him to go. She waited for him to finish speaking and then tugged at the sleeve of his jacket.

"Can you give us a minute, please?" she said to the SWAT commander, who nodded and turned back to his men. Liz took Ressler's arm and steered him a few feet away where they wouldn't be overheard.

"You ok?" he asked as he scanned her anxiously up and down. "Is it true Reddington's the one who had you kidnapped?"

"Yes, I'm fine. And yes, it was Reddington. Don't get me started. But what are you doing here?" Liz hissed. "You're suspended, you shouldn't be here. You could lose your badge. Permanently!"

Ressler's eyes flashed and he looked down at the ground and kicked a rock with his toe. "Navabi said you were in trouble," he replied in a low voice.

"Ressler…" Liz began, exasperated. "You didn't need…" she stopped as his head whipped up and he glared at her, eyes blazing.

"Don't tell me where I need to be, Liz," he replied tightly. "I know what I'm doing."

Liz exhaled slowly. "Look, I appreciate you coming, I really do, but you need to go. Your badge is under review, they're questioning everything you do. How did you even get a gun? You need to go, Ressler. You can't stay here. Samar and I – we've got this. Please, _go_."

Ressler gave her a long look and then nodded, grudgingly. She watched as he slid into a waiting FBI SUV.

 _We'll talk later_ , she thought.

* * *

The war room was dark and deserted when Liz stepped off the elevator later that night after her meeting with Reddington. Given the hour, she was surprised to see the lights still on in her office across the floor. She crossed the room quietly, expecting to find the office empty. However, as she got closer, she could see Ressler through the window slouched over his desk, his head resting in his hands. She stopped and hesitated for a moment, unsure whether she should disturb him, but she'd returned to the Post Office to grab a bag she'd left behind and it seemed silly to turn back now.

"What are you still doing here?" she asked from the doorway.

Ressler turned and blinked at her, his eyes red and bloodshot. "I could say the same to you. I thought everyone was gone for the day," he replied as he turned back to the file in front of him.

Liz crossed the office swiftly to her desk and lifted a bag. "I came back for this," she said. "You didn't answer my question," she added lightly.

Ressler leaned back in his chair and ran his hand through his hair. "Just going through some paperwork," he replied. Liz could see the tension on his face and radiating off his body. He looked ready to snap.

After a moment's hesitation, Liz stepped behind him and leaned over to read the file in front of him. "Still working on Reven Wright?" she asked as she squeezed his shoulder gently before returning to her desk.

Ressler exhaled and nodded. "I can't let it go," he said simply. He cracked his knuckles and pushed at the folder, clearly agitated.

Liz scanned his face. He looked exhausted and haunted. "You need to be careful, Ressler. I know you want to nail Laurel Hitchen, but you need to be careful," she repeated.

"You think I don't know that?" he replied irritably. "I'm not gonna let Hitchen, or Gale, or anyone else stop me, Liz. I owe Reven that much." He rubbed his hand briskly across his eyes and then lowered them to the file again.

"Ressler…" Liz continued.

"What?" he replied wearily without looking up.

"You took a big risk coming out to those woods today. Why?" Liz asked. She saw his jaw tighten as he swallowed hard and looked away.

"Navabi called me when I was with Gale, she said I needed to be there," he replied curtly.

"She shouldn't have done that," Liz said. "Why would she want you to risk everything? She had plenty of backup. She didn't need you."

Ressler shrugged and bent over the file once more. Liz watched him silently for a few minutes. She knew there was something he wasn't telling her. The bruise on his right hand from Krilov's injection had faded a bit but was still clearly visible.

Finally, she got up and sat on the edge of his desk. Ressler looked up, surprised.

"How are you feeling?" she asked softly as she extended her finger and lightly touched his bruise.

Ressler pulled his hand away quickly. "I'm fine," he said brusquely.

Liz sighed and folded her arms. "I'm not sure I believe that...I'm worried about you," she replied.

Ressler's eyes flashed as he looked up at her. "Look, Keen, you don't need to worry about me," he replied irritably. I'm fine."

"Are you?" Liz probed. "You've been through a lot lately."

Ressler leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest. "I don't know what you want me to say," he replied, sounding exasperated.

"I want you to be honest with me, Ressler," Liz implored. "There's no shame in talking about how you're feeling. If anyone's going to understand, I will."

"How I feel?" Ressler replied, his voice rising. "You don't want to know how I feel, Liz," he replied irritably. "You may think you do, but you don't."

"Try me," she replied quietly.

Ressler gave her a tortured look and then pushed his chair back with a bang and got up and stood at the window, his back towards her.

"Go home, Keen," he said tightly. "Just go home," he repeated. "Let it go. This isn't going to do either of us any good."

"Ressler, please…" she repeated.

"I can't, Liz," he said in a choked voice. "Please go home. Leave me alone. Just forget it"

Liz stared at him wordlessly for a moment before getting up and resting her hand lightly on his back. "Please, Ressler. Tell me what's going on."

Ressler flinched at her touch and bit his lip and shook his head. "It's nothing. I'm just beat down with this case. Go home, Liz."

Liz ran her hand lightly over his back. She could feel the ripple of his muscles through the thin fabric of his t-shirt as he shivered involuntarily. "I'm sorry but I don't believe you. And I'm not leaving until you tell me," she said quietly as she traced circles on his back.

They stood silently for several minutes. She could tell he was struggling with what to say, but she was determined to wait him out. Finally, he took a deep breath, turned, and looked at her sadly. "You really don't know, do you? Why I came out there today?"

Liz shook her head, wordlessly. She couldn't help but notice the pain and confusion on his face and she kept her hand resting lightly on his back.

"See that's what kills me," he continued as he stared off into the darkness of the war room. "Navabi sees it, Reddington sees it, hell – Kaplan must see it or she wouldn't have targeted me first. How are you the only one who doesn't see it?" he whispered so softly it was barely audible.

"See what?" Liz asked.

Ressler exhaled slowly. "You asked me why I was there in the woods today? Despite the suspension?"

Liz nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

"I was there because I love you, Liz. Despite everything, despite Tom…I love you and I can't let that go…" his voice trailed off. He cleared his throat. "And somehow everyone – _everyone_ seems to know that except you. You're the only one who has to ask. How do you think that makes me feel?"

Liz stared at Ressler speechlessly.

Ressler turned and cupped her face in his hands. He held her gaze longingly for a moment and then suddenly leaned over and pressed his lips against hers.

Liz felt her heart pound as she responded to his kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him closer and was immediately aware of the short hair at the nape of his neck, his clean-shaven face, the smell of his aftershave. She gave herself over to the kiss.

"Ressler," she breathed when they finally broke apart.

She watched him struggle to catch his breath as his expression changed from longing to pain. "I'm sorry, Liz," he mumbled as he reached for his keys. "I should have done that a long time ago, but not now. That shouldn't have happened now. Just forget it. I'm sorry," he repeated as he hastily made his way to the door of their shared office and disappeared towards the elevator.

"Ressler!" she called after him but he didn't turn around.

Liz sank into her chair and pressed her fingers against her lips as she waited for her heart to stop pounding. "Ressler," she whispered out loud, her mind reeling. She was surprised by her own emotions. By rights, she should be offended – furious even – Tom might be away dealing with his own family, but he was still in her life and Ressler knew it. But oddly enough, she was neither offended nor furious. Instead she felt strangely…pleased. She shook her head. Suddenly, a lot of things made sense in a way they hadn't before. Her eyes fell on the drawer where, long ago, she had pulled out Sam's bottle of wine to share with Ressler and she smiled warmly at the memory. "Well, this changes things," she whispered to herself.

She sat for a long while, rocking side to side in her chair, replaying little moments, and glances in her mind. She thought of that terrible day with Krilov and the pure animalistic rage she had felt when she'd learned he had targeted Ressler. Eventually, she pulled out her phone and fingered it, weighing whether to call him and wondering if he'd pick up if she did. She knew Ressler was probably feeling terribly awkward and embarrassed and dreading tomorrow when he had to face her again. She felt guilty for goading him into a confession he clearly would rather not have made.

Finally, she made up her mind and pressed his number. She waited as the phone rang three times before he picked up.

"Ressler," he said wearily. He paused as the number registered, "What do you want, Keen? Look, I said I was sorry and I meant it. It won't happen again."

"You left before I got to say anything," Liz replied. "I wanted to tell you – you have nothing to apologize for. You've actually given me a lot to think about."

She could hear him breathing on the other end of the phone but he was otherwise silent, clearly uncertain how to respond.

"I just wanted you to know that," she added. "Get some sleep. Don't worry about it, ok?"

"Ok," he replied, sounding strangled. "Goodnight, Keen," he managed.

"Ressler?" Liz said quickly, hoping he hadn't hung up yet. There was another pause and she heard him inhale and exhale slowly.

"Yeah?" he said finally.

"I'm glad you told me," she continued. "And I wanted you to know..." she swallowed hard, "I love you too. Goodnight."

She heard his breath catch. "Goodnight Liz," he said softly. Liz put down her phone and smiled faintly. With a sigh, she got up and gathered her keys and her bag. _Definitely_ _a lot to think about,_ she mused as she headed for the elevator.


End file.
